on Oct 24th, 2008This Chaotic World of Mine
As I grow up older, I start to understand myself better. I would describe my younger days as messy, chaotic, contradicting, flip-flop, procrastinating crap. It’s really intriguing how the mind works, how with time we mature. What is this maturity that we’re gaining? Well, I think it’s got to do with absorbing information and life experiences, and making informed decisions about one’s life. Along the way of gaining this maturity, some might lose the sense of having fun, because bread and butter issues have higher priority than having fun.
We should never lose sight of having fun, of seeking happiness. I’ve realised now that I like my life to be predictable and I love being in control of what happens in my life. It is important to feel a sense of control over your life, because there are just so many factors in this world that is difficult to account for. People around you, money, natural disasters, deaths, nature, God. There are just so many things unpredictable in life, that sometimes, we feel scared.
I had this thought earlier today, perhaps that’s why people develop OCD – Obessesive Compulsive Disorder. It is so difficult to predict and control so many elements of what is happening in your life that I wish I had more control over. Be it insisting on the number of cubes of sugar to put in my tea, feeling comforted by counting aloud the number of books there are on the shelf, have a simple routine before doing certain tasks etc. No, I don’t do any of those. But being just a little OCD gives me a sense control, that life isn’t just passing by and away without any exertion by me as a living, conscious, homosapien.
Some weird peeves, which people might find it either logical or stupid, would include… having the need to finish singing the alphabet song if someone starts singing it. My friend would tease me and sing A, B, C, D….. X, Y -stop- I feel disgusted and irritated, and would always have the compulsion to finish the song. Z!
It’s logical because there is simply no reason why you have to sing the ENTIRE ABC song without finishing it! Well, at least I feel it’s a logical enough reason to justify.
Just by being a little obsessive, and a little compulsive, perhaps, I feel better about myself, better about life. Perhaps, everyone is a little OCD, and we need to be, in order to make sense of this chaotic world.
I agree…it is only through maturing that we know who we are, what suits us and what we really want. It’s a slow and often painful process, ridden with mistakes that I wish I had never made them…
Yet, it is usually through mistakes that we grow.
In my opinion, what is hardest about life is not what’s happening around us…rather, how to carve out a path for ourselves and not stray from it.